Tuesday, April 29, 2003

overheard in C-U

One of the funniest things I've heard while living in C-U was sung by some drunk guy last night around midnight. Set to the tune of "Old MacDonald Had a Farm": "Old McGuffin had a farm, e-i-e-i-o. What he had on the farm was not important, e-i-e-i-o."

Prolix, prolix, nothing a pair of scissors won't fix...

Monday, April 21, 2003

My problems with subpar semi-porn at work

If I catch another of my male coworkers looking at the Leg Avenue catalog without any intention of putting together an order, I will beat him to death with it. And it's a fairly large catalog, what with the vinyl and the bodystockings and all.

I simply have the following expectations of this group of guys. 1. If they're gonna view porn, at least get something that shows nipples, not this airbrushed crap. 2. Don't look at store catalogs to get off, especially since we'll almost inevitably have to use them later for actually store work. 3. Don't do such things during work, at all, ever, even if you're working a 10am-9pm shift during Halloween.

I have a feeling that a Leg Avenue order put together by guys would take about 20 times longer to put together than the orders my co-worker Heather and I do, where she flips through and says things like "Oooh, sexy cop, sexy nurse, sexy bumblebee. Sorority girls are gonna LOVE these!" while I write it all down.

Rant over now.

Prolix, prolix, nothing a pair of scissors won't fix...

Thursday, April 17, 2003


So, after quite the absence, I will be visiting that fair city on the lake, my old home, the weekend of the 25th. So if you hear a couple of people drunkenly bellowing Madonna and Bruce Springsteen songs at 4am on Sunday, that probably means that my host Josh and I just got home. There will also be Mike Altman Quality Time, as is necessary in all Chicago trips.

Prolix, prolix, nothing a pair of scissors won't fix...

Thursday, April 10, 2003

bigheads and books

Something you only hear when you work at a place like I do:
"Yeah, I saw our banana and our shark dancing on the quad yesterday. It was a little weird, since we didn't rent them out to the same group."

I need something to read after I finish Underworld, which might be awhile, but I enjoy planning. I encourage all you people to tell me what I should read. I should probably read something nonfiction... orpossibly by an author whose name doesn't end in a vowel (last three books read: DeLillo, Calvino, Murakami). Or you could just tell me to hunt down my copy of Adventures of Augie March or London Fields, since I own both of them and haven't finished either.

Prolix, prolix, nothing a pair of scissors won't fix...

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

yippy skippies and product placements

I am wearing my black skirt and my red turtleneck to celebrate the impending White Stripes release. I would go out and buy it today, but it's April 1st, so I'm afraid I'd open it up and it'd be a "Frampton Comes Alive" CD.

A comment from one of my GRE students: "Leah was well-prepared, professional and explained all the Kaplan material concisely and clearly. I would highly recommend her to anyone taking the course."

This almost convinces me that I do not completely suck as a teacher. Not quite, but almost.

Also, if you are not completely worried about killing EVERY SINGLE GERM IN YOUR HOUSE, but just want to clean up the dust and scum, I highly recommend the Method line of cleaners and dish soap. They smell lovely and don't leave me all sick like other cleaners do. They're a little more expensive, but even the bottles look nice enough to leave out! They make me want to clean. Anyone who knows me even a little knows that they must be amazing to do that. Go to methodhome.com and check this shit out.

Prolix, prolix, nothing a pair of scissors won't fix...